Love and relationships are a very important aspect of life. As a result, the sudden ending of relationships or breakups can be very painful mentally. There is no other explanation, they are very hard to deal with and can cause you great trouble for getting over it and moving on. There’s literally nothing others can do to help you get over this situation, you have to do it yourself. There is no shortage of negativity at that time. The key is to think that as normal and imagine what the ways you can improve yourself are.
So rather than spending time doing absolutely nothing, you can start off slowly to rebrand yourself. Whoever said that all women do after a breakup is cry at home and eat chocolate whole day knows nothing about women. Practically, you can do a lot of things to get over a breakup. Given below are three major methods of the process that shows how to get over a breakup properly with time and actions.
How to deal with a breakup and get over it?
1. Moving on
This process is basically the way to get over your ex completely without any kind of existing emotional attachment. By the time you have moved on, you will find yourself not caring for anything about your ex anymore. That should be your ultimate aim. That’s when you are ready to go forward with your life.
2. Keeping your distance
it is okay if you and your ex do not stop all forms of communication. It is okay if both of you remain as friends. But keep this in mind; you just cannot spend time with him like you were before, not even with the excuse of being a friend. Stop seeing each other so often, do not hang out with his friends or family members, don’t call much, neither send messages, emails or try to initiate forced conversations. You can talk to him but in a very limited manner. It’s better this way as it helps you to stop relieving your past. This ensures that letting go won’t be much harder for you. Unless and until you are completely over him, make contact with him only when necessary. Otherwise, avoiding or short and formal meetings are okay.
3. Organize your own space
breakups normally mean that you are beginning a new chapter in your life. The importance of organizing or cleaning your space is massive, as it helps you to be prepared for all the new things that are going to come into your life. Any kind of a mess, whether it is in your mind or in your home, can be very depressing and adds up to the formation of stress. While you are cleaning your space, it will not only keep you occupied, but also help you to increase your focus. This is very important in this stage as you will need extreme focus to be calm and steadily get over it. Additionally, cleaning in any form is healthier. So, you will not only feel better mentally, but you are also improving your physical health.
4. Get rid of anything that reminds of painful memories
there will be a lot of things which will keep on reminding you of your ex, for example, any kinds of gifts or souvenirs. Getting rid of these kinds of stuff takes priority. As long as you keep anything that reminds you of him, your moving on process is not really progressing. When you are trying to recover from a breakup, it is imperative that you do not hold on to the memories. Therefore, all such things that remind you of any painful memories should be removed immediately. Your space will also get cleaned up while doing this and you will be removing these memory triggers as well. It is not necessary to throw them away though. You can preserve a keepsake if you want. Just make sure you do not see them until you have actually moved on.
5. Get out of the house and do things
when a relationship comes to an end, you are generally inclined to give more time to yourself and decide to stay in the home for most of the time. It is absolutely okay to do so. However, it is also important that after you undergo a self-processing of your own feelings, you go out back in the world. Do not just isolate yourself at home. Go out and have fun, whether with friends, family or alone. Doing different types of things and getting out after a breakup is important as your social network and your circle needs to be well maintained at this phase. The more you grow it, the easier it will be for you to move on. As stated, you can go out alone as well. Treat yourself with a vacation or your favorite food. You will feel better. You can cook salmon and enjoy the delicious taste of it so that it can help you to get over your pain.
6. Be careful with the rebound relationships
rebound relationships are the type of relationships where people enter out of desperation after their breakup. This type of relationships occurs very fast, and it is more like a self coping mechanism resulting from a deep emotional outburst. Rebound relationships are pretty common, but they are not always for the best. Since the main intent to get in such a relationship is to mask your negative emotions, the risk always remains. You are more susceptible to damage if this new relationship does not work out as well. In that case, the pain will be even more, and you will have to deal with two different breakups at once. Therefore, consider taking things slow. Understand whether you want love from this relationship or just sex. Keep things casual so that unless and until you have processed yourself, you do not risk losing anything.
7. Do not forget to take enough care of self
it is the general tendency of the human mind to stop paying any kind of attention to self-care and needs. This generally comes from a feeling where you feel you are not good enough for anything and self-care is just useless and futile to you around that time. However, doing is not at all good for you and neither does it help you to feel any better. Therefore, it is important that you keep on taking care of yourself. Your basic needs, like physical, mental and spiritual health should be taken care of by yourself. Sleep well, relax more, eat well, do things that make you happy and try to work out. All of these are for your better physical and mental health. Eating balanced diets, sleeping, working out and relaxation can help you with moving on.
8. Dealing with the Emotional Pain
Moving may be your aim, but it is not really an easy task. No matter how much involved you were with your ex or how much of a sensitive person you are, if the relationship meant something to you then you will find it immensely difficult to deal with the extreme emotional pain you will feel after the breakup. Dealing with this pain is a slow process, where you have to take it one day at a time.
9. To feel the pain of a breakup is absolutely normal
a lot of people different types of mixed feelings after going through a breakup. These mainly include depression, getting angry all of a sudden, getting startled or frightened too easily, or feeling a general lack of interest in everything around. Know that it is absolutely normal for you to feel like that and there is nothing wrong with you. Just do not get disheartened and give up to yourself. Think these feelings as a must experience for you to be able to successfully move on. If you have no clue as to how to get over a breakup, this is the path you should go on. If you keep on shutting your emotional feelings and grief, you are more likely to develop high-stress levels. To not feel anything is just slowing you down, which you need to avoid.
10. Break your daily normal routine
it is highly recommended that you get a short or medium break from your daily normal routine immediately after a breakup. After the end of a relationship, it may be harder to focus on daily activities than you can imagine. Your focus is most likely to get scattered. Hence, having a break will help you to assess your own feelings and you will be able to understand how your mind is functioning exactly at that moment. One thing to keep in mind while taking a break is you should not cut yourself off from everyone. Your other relationships should be intact. Try to take a few days off from your college or workplace and use that time to straighten your feelings out. Use your own judgment on what are the things that you can skip for a few days without facing any serious trouble.
11. Don’t restrict yourself from feeling the pain
you should allow yourself to feel the pain that is going on inside you instead of trying to stop it. After a relationship comes to an end, it is only natural to grieve over the loss as you will feel an enormous amount of pain. Do ensure that you are allowing yourself to be able to fully grieve on the occasion. Make sure that the pain you will feel lets you experience the reality of the situation which has caused it. If you forcefully ignore these feelings or try to suppress them, then moving on the process will only be slowed down, and you will be grieving for an even longer period. Do not restrict yourself from expressing these feelings. Expel these negative and painful emotions by whatever means necessary, be it yelling, screaming or crying, whenever you can. To get over your brakup you must stream Netflix or Amazon prime’s web series as there are so many shows through you will get amused and forget your pain.
12. Try to be around supportive and positive energy
this is generally the best time for you to surround yourself completely with people who are supporting you and trying to get you out of this condition. Instead of dwelling in the past and thinking about negative thoughts, try talking and spending time with the people who love you and wants you to be happy as soon as possible. Such persons generally create a good, positive energy vibe which you can fell even when you are sad. Supportive and compassionate friends and family who are supporting you, mentioning you your worth, trying to cheer you up and helping you with the grieving process is what you need at this time. If you are looking for someone to share your feelings with or trying to find a shoulder for crying, do not hesitate to ask them for it.
13. Discover ways in which you can soften your own emotional pain
to help you soothe the emotional pain that you are feeling, you can try out various methods. It is generally the first instinct for you to ignore every kind of restrictions and turn your attention to drugs, alcohol and restriction less sex, but none of this is actually a fruitful solution for you in the future. All of these are very unhealthy methods of dulling out the pain and poor attempts to make you feel better, whether mentally, physically or sensually. Therefore, instead of indulging in such unhealthy habits, try to find constructive ways where you can deal with these emotions which will help you to actually recover from the situation, instead of worsening it. Things like a hobby, taking up a new class or learning a new skill are the best ways to deal with the pain constructively.
14. Do not hesitate to consult a therapist if you feel like it
it can be the case where you may feel like it is too much for you to handle all the bundled up emotions and stress. If you cannot do it alone, try talking to your friends and families. If that does not work as well, try consulting a therapist. There is no shame in trying to treat you from emotional pain by consulting a therapist. The therapists are there to help you with exactly these types of situations. They will be providing you with the best set of solutions to help you to calm down. You will be able to control the flow of your feelings and thus feel less pain. Consulting a mental health professional to cope with a breakup is as normal as taking medicine when you are ill, remember that.
15. Working your way through the feelings
Your progress will only be effective when you have really acknowledged your feelings and worked yourself out of it. Trying to understand your feelings can be confusing too at that moment. However, no one knows you better than yourself. With time and practice, you will be able to understand what you exactly feel.
16. Try to reflect on the relationship
try to consider each and every reason which you think was responsible for the end of your relationship. Do not try to cover up by thinking only of the happy memories that you two have spent together. Instead, try to find out why the breakup occurred, despite outer happiness. It is obvious that something was very wrong right from the start, or something happened suddenly while being in the relationship. When you have finally got the legit reasons in your mind about the cause of the breakup, you will finally get a valid reason why the relationship did not work out. It will also help you realize the need for you to move on with your life. You can take this experience as a lesson and aim to avoid these exact mistakes from your part on a future relationship in similar conditions.
17. Express your feelings in writing
sometimes merely talking about your feelings is not enough, and you need to express those feelings to yourself. To do that, writing your feelings out is the best choice. If you have a habit of maintaining a personal diary, simply write what you feel there on a daily basis. It can help you to calm down in more ways than you can think of. If not, try writing a journal. Just note down the exact details of your feelings regularly. Try to write poems, paragraphs or stories. Just be honest to yourself and give shape to your feelings in the form of words. You can even try to write letters to your ex without sending it. Mention all the anger, sadness and frustration. You will feel like you are getting those feelings out of yourself, and it will make you feel better.
18. Learn to deal with the anger
if you are looking for how to get over a breakup without hurting yourself or the persons who are close to you, you need to master the technique of your own anger management. It is very much normal that you will feel extremely angry after a breakup. You will feel that you have been wronged in so many ways and even if there is no logical reason, you will tend to feel like how unfair he has been to you in the entire time of your relationship. This will only make you feel more vexed. Out of frustration, you can actually treat the people close to you very badly. This should be avoided at all costs. Not only will this hamper your relationship with them, but you will feel even worse for yourself. Therefore, learn to relax and control your anger.
19. Be firm and unwavering to your decision
if it so happens that the final decision for the breakup was decided by you, then stick to it. You need to strengthen your mind to be able to stand by this decision of yours. Always remember that it was you who broke up, and remember the exact reasons for you to decide that as well. If you are only focusing on how good and happy you were during the relationship, you will tend to forget the exact cause of your decision. Also, if the decision to end the relationship was not yours but his, then try to think it as respecting your ex’s decision. At this point, the mind may often become very weak and you tend to forget everything and start over. This is not generally a good idea as what happened will happen again. You should move forward instead.
20. Think about all the negative traits that your ex had
make a list of all the things that you hated about your ex or thought them to be negative about him. When you are solely focusing on these things, you will soon realize how bad or toxic he was for you and how better you are actually off without him. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will feel that the feeling of caring is slowly vanishing away. It does not have to be vengeful though. Try to forgive him with all his faults, but do not forget what happened between you two. You will be amazed to look back and shocked why the hell you were even in a relationship with him in the first place. If you are wondering about how to get over a breakup, this is one of the fastest and most effective ways.
21. Think of all the reasons why the breakup is better for you
try to think it this way, take a consideration of all the facts and reasons you can think which implies that you are much better off without him. This will slowly make you realize that breakup is not that bad and that you can actually do better than your previous relationship. This is an addition to thinking up the negative traits about your ex; you are also focusing on the positive part of the breakup in this way. If possible, list down the positive reasons in a paper and keep it with you. Whenever you are feeling sad or gloomy, take out the piece of paper and read it out. Think about all the restrictions which do not exist anymore. You have regained back your freedom. You will feel much better about yourself.
This is how to get over a breakup properly. At first, it may seem impossible, but with time and following these steps, you will slowly but steadily progress. With time, everything will heal and you will have moved on even before you realize it.