Relationships are one of the most beautiful creations of God. It provides you with the opportunity to spend your entire life with the person you love, support each other, and grow together. However, relationships aren’t always happy – there are quarrels and arguments.
But there are some mistakes that could ruin your relationship. Let’s take a look at them.
Hiding your feelings
We all hide feelings, and there can be various reasons for it. You might feel they’ll make you feel vulnerable. Or you may think your feelings are silly. Maybe you think confessing your feelings will hurt your partner or insult them. Whatever your reason might be to hide your feelings, it is always the wrong move.
Emotional honesty and transparency are critical to a relationship. You can your partner should know how the other feels in certain situations or instances. Otherwise, you are likely to do things that annoy, bother, or hurt your partner, or vice versa. And it’s not possible for your partner to correct themselves if you don’t tell them how you feel.
Of course, you don’t want to express your feelings in a way that it hurts your partner’s feeling. Don’t scream at them or get angry if they hurt you by mistake. Instead, politely express your feelings and explain to them how you feel.
Complaining to others about your relationships
What’s worse than not expressing your feelings to your partner? Expressing them to others, especially when you complain about your relationship or partner to others. Talking to your partner about how you feel is a different story, but complaining to others is the worst thing you could possibly do.
Firstly, when you complain about your partner to someone else, they make a negative perception of your partner. Now, even if you and your partner work out the problem, that perception won’t change. Second, there’s no point in talking to others. Most of them can’t fix a problem between you and your partner. So, they’ll listen to your complaints and make fun of you and your partner behind your back.
However, there might be a scenario when you need external advice or viewpoint. For instance, if you feel your parent is not giving you attention, you might ask your sibling or best friend for advice. But, there’s a difference between seeking advice and complaining. And even if you ask for advice, don’t do it too frequently.
Not trusting your intuition
Some signs of trouble are as clear as day. For example, if you found your partner cheating on you, there’s no point in staying in the relationship. In some cases, the signs are not clear, and you have to rely on the voice of your intuition. Ignoring or not being able to listen to your inner voice can lead you to an unhappy and unhealthy relationship that’s filled with problems.
Thankfully, not trusting your intuition is one of the easiest mistakes you could fix. It’s all about trusting how you feel. If your gut tends to revolt every time you’re around a person, maybe they’re not right for you. Feeling dread, getting a headache, or instinctively pulling your body away from someone can be a sign that this person isn’t ideal for you. Moreover, different people can get different signs of intuition. So, it’s all about how well you know yourself.
Fighting to win
Relationships and arguments go hand in hand. Every couple argues, however, not all do it in a healthy way. There’s a difference between arguing to solve a problem or to win. The difference might be subtle, but it can make all the difference.
Arguments come from a difference in opinion – you and your partner might have different perspectives to solve an issue. But if you’re arguing to win, you’re getting your partner to admit that you’re right or they’re wrong. Here, there’s no room for compromise or acknowledging another person’s point of view.
On the other hand, if you argue to find a solution, you both are aware that you have different perspectives, but you can work things out and find a solution together. See it this way: you two are a team against an issue, not against each other.
But if you fight to win, your risk bitterness and resentment. And if it happens to often, your partner will give in to simply avoid the fight. So, instead of becoming a crowned winner by proving your point, ask questions to your partner and see their point of view.
Just like you don’t want to fight to win, you should not let the other person win you over. Before coming into a relationship, you’re a complete individual who has hobbies, interests, and opinions. Are you still the same person after you enter a relationship? Or you’re sacrificing your life and identity to somehow make the relationship work?
Compromise is a critical part of a relationship, but it should come from both sides. No two people can be identical; there’ll always be differences. What’s important is that both you and your partner should be willing to make sacrifices to make the relationship work. If you’re letting go of your identity to be in a relationship, it’s soon going to end badly.
A good, caring, and loving partner will never hold you back from your hobbies and interests. Instead, they’ll encourage you to do what you like and what makes you happy. So, look for someone who accepts you the way you are, keeping in mind that there’re certain compromises you’ll still need to make.
Not setting and keeping boundaries
Let’s say you go to the church every Sunday, and you’re determined not to change once you enter a relationship. Then you meet someone, and they insist on going out on Sunday. And instead of declining, you agree.
Boundaries are crucial in a relationship. They might seem like rejection or restriction, but they’re necessary. They allow you to get what you want from your relationship instead of sacrificing yourself. They ensure respect and make sure your life stays in balance.
Some boundaries come organically as you and your partner state the expectations each of you have from the relationship. But some are personal, and you set them long before you meet someone. For example, having a partner who smokes, drinks, or does drugs might be a straight no-no for you.
But there might be some boundaries that you are yet to identify. For example, you may not want to take a call on Saturday mornings when you’re spending time with your parents. Whatever your boundaries, be sure to communicate them clearly to your partner in a respectful way.
You must have stalked your partner before entering a relationship. That’s fine because you wanted to know more about her. But once you come into a relationship, stalking indicates that you don’t trust your partner. Sadly, a lot of people do it.
They start scanning social media or other internet channels to find anything about their partner. They read their posts, analyze their images, and look for signs of cheating or other activity. It’s smart to confirm a person doesn’t have a criminal record before going out on a date with them. No one wants to be seen with a drug trafficker until he’s Pablo.
But once you get into a relationship, give up on stalking. Not only the internet, avoid sneaking peaks into your partner’s mobile, laptop, or other devices. You might think your partner is cheating, so while they’re in the shower, you go through their text messages, WhatsApp, and emails. Or worse, you may even install spyware to spy on them. Doing all this can lead to unrepairable trust issues in your relationship, so it’s better you avoid them.
Sometimes, there are small actions that could ruin a lifelong relationship. So, make sure to avoid the mistakes discussed above and develop a culture of love, trust, and mutual respect.