According to the Australian Psychological Society, most relationship problems stem from poor communication, poor-problem solving skills, inadequate partner support, a lack of sleep, or a lack of quality time together. These five issues are at the heart of almost all conflicts between partners, but understanding how to avoid these problems will save you future heartache and strengthen your relationship. Finding ways to communicate effectively or to show support for your spouse helps you to build habits that make it easier to weather a relationship’s storms. If you’re looking for ways to safeguard your relationship against the worst, or to create a tighter bond with the woman you love, read on for the six best pieces of relationship advice.
- Understand the difference between commiserating and fixing when a woman is telling you about her problems. Many men have learned this the hard way, but if you want to take the safer shortcut, here is the explanation. In general, when women are complaining about something, they do not want a solution, they just want to tell you about how they feel. Even if there seems to be a completely obvious solution for whatever it is, just listen and commiserate. Wait until she asks for help before offering suggestions, or you can try asking “Do you want my help or do you want me to listen?” Understanding this can save you both a significant amount of pain. For a video example of this ‘in effect’, check out this short (after reading this post of course) video called It’s Not About the Nail.
- Build positive habits early on in your relationship because you will fall back onto those habits when things become strained. Research has shown that regardless of whether your habits are good or bad for you, you’ll find yourself returning to them when stressed out. So if you and your spouse are in the habit of cooking dinner together, telling each other “I love you,” or going for walks every afternoon, you’ll find yourselves reinforcing those behaviours even when things are stormy between the two of you.
On the other hand, if you typically keep things from each other or do your own thing most of the time, you’ll find yourselves doing that when you are stressed. The good news is that you can always create new habits. Pick something that brings you together like sitting down to eat breakfast in the mornings or walking the dog and discussing your day. These sorts of habits will bring you together, even when things aren’t great.
- Keep the lines of communication open and don’t keep secrets from each other. Make it a habit to tell your spouse how you feel about things and listen to her feelings too. It’s better to feel like you can talk about anything and be able to deal with minor inconveniences before they become full-blown problems. For example, if she does something that irritates you, tell her (as gently as you can) what it is. Don’t let yourself stew on the issue.
The same should go for her; when she tells you something, don’t blow up over it, accept what she has to say and address it accordingly. Furthermore, get in the habit of being open with your spouse. Not telling her about little things can escalate into not telling her about important things too. This doesn’t mean you have to divulge every minute detail of your life, but be honest and tell her about things that are important to you and be willing to listen when she tells you what’s on her mind.
- Don’t try to solve problems when you’re upset, but instead, mentally file away your issues and wait to go over them when you’re both feeling calm. You can’t bargain from a position of weakness, and in this case, that means being physically or mentally tired and impaired. Once recovered fully you can take some small non-intrusive steps to make things between the both of you healthier.
If there’s something that she does when you argue that drives you mad, don’t get into it right away. Tell her something like “I understand what you’re saying, but let’s talk about this later after we’ve calmed down,” and walk away to find somewhere to relax. Once everyone has gotten over it (maybe later that day or a few days later) you can approach her with your problem. By working through issues when everyone is calm, you’ll be sure to be able to approach it rationally, having had plenty of time to think about how best to approach it, and she won’t automatically get defensive.
- It’s the small gestures, not the grand, romantic ones—contrary to what television would have you believe—that keep your relationship running. Showing your spouse on a day-to-day basis that you care about her and her needs will do a lot more to ensure the continuation of your relationship than the one-off events. In a way, ongoing small gestures can be more difficult than the big stuff; you need to be in tune with your spouse and know what her preferences are. Doing things like cooking dinner when you know she’s had a bad day or getting a blanket for her when she looks cold show her that you care about her well-being.
These displays of affection are, when taken together, a good way to express your love for her. In an ideal relationship, both members of a couple work to make each other comfortable and take care of each other’s needs.
- When it comes to intimacy; communication is going to be a major part of making you work well together. Be willing to tell your partner what works for you and respond to the things she tells you about what works for her. If you’re looking for a short guideline, American sex-advice columnist Dan Savage has an acronym for you: GGG.
These three G’s stands for good, giving, and game. It means that you should try to be good in bed, give “equal time and pleasure” to your partner, and be “game for anything—within reason.” How does this play out in real life? Being good is about your bedroom acumen and being able to pleasure your partner (in whatever way feels good to her). Being giving involves being equitable; if she spends 20 minutes giving you a blowjob, you should spend more than two minutes on her (using some imagination please). Finally, being game means you’re up for trying something new. Consider trying out new positions or discussing each other’s fantasies. That’s a cliché because it works!!
These tips will get you through tough times in a relationship. Make it a habit to make time for your spouse and to communicate with her about things that are important to you both. If you’re working to strengthen your relationship, these tips will get you most of the way there.
Bought to you by;
Ricky [experienced in many ways] Piantino